Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Emptiness by ~cxsankh:iconcxsankh:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Fixed


Empty equals hole
Mousetrap that bleeds and depletes
Peoples' stiff, dead souls
i
The clear crystal glass
Is constantly half-empty
Never to be full
o
n
Estranged void I swam
Stalled so long that I lost the
Sense of who I am
©2009 ~cxsankh
:iconcxsankh:

Author's Comments

Possibly entered for =Mattiello 's contest. It's called an Acrostic Haiku, and even though it's fun, it's really hard to put together.

The two liaisons connecting the poem are "pit" and "none".

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmissfreak:
~MissFreak May 31, 2009, 11:01:04 AM
i like this, i think it is simple but beautiful :)

--
-you do me harm
-too bad my dear, deal with it! what does not kill you makes you stronger
-do you want to kill me?
-no, i want to make you stronger
:iconcyantre:
`Cyantre Jun 2, 2009, 12:53:32 AM
If the first stanza is only 5-6-5, it's not a haiku. =/
:iconscheherazadenerai:
~scheherazadenerai Jun 2, 2009, 8:36:57 AM
I think this is a really effective poem since not all the sentences make grammatical sense but I know exactly what you mean. I like the structure tricks as well.

The rhyme at the end is really effective and rounds up the poem yet leaves you thinking there should be more. Did you find this to be an inspiring exercise? Doing poetry can help you think up new description methods in your other writing too.

--
*Is prone to typos. D'OH.*

Join *FallenAngels-Club and get your fantasy art noticed!
:iconcxsankh:
~cxsankh Jun 2, 2009, 10:54:54 AM
=Mattiello said it's completely fine. For some people, "vacuums" has 2 syllables, for some it has 3 depending on how you pronounce it. So, if you have nothing better to do than nitpick, I suggest you take it up with him.
:iconcxsankh:
~cxsankh Jun 2, 2009, 11:01:32 AM
It's really hard to make grammatical sense in poems like these because you're limited syllable-wise, and in poetry, you can't be overly wordy without it being rhyming prose.

Well, it was a change in pace because I haven't written a poem in over a year, but I wouldn't say it influences my prose. I typically write prose with ease, occasionally thinking about how to describe things... but I spent a few hours on the two poems because I really have a hard time compressing everything to make sense.
:iconcyantre:
`Cyantre Jun 2, 2009, 12:31:38 PM
That is fine, but =Mattiello isn't the only judge, so that might count against you in the end. Just wanted to give you a heads-up.
:iconcxsankh:
~cxsankh Jun 2, 2009, 12:47:26 PM
I've been aware of it, and searching for a way to reword it before judging... sorry for being rude. Thanks.
:iconscheherazadenerai:
~scheherazadenerai Jun 2, 2009, 12:59:47 PM
I found it helped me, since it can give you really abstract/metaphorical ways of describing things. That, or I just got way too obsessed after I read The Bell Jar for the fourth time :P

--
*Is prone to typos. D'OH.*

Join *FallenAngels-Club and get your fantasy art noticed!
:iconcyantre:
`Cyantre Jun 2, 2009, 1:09:55 PM
No problem, hope you find something that works for you. I know it can be difficult to adjust the wording while keeping in check with the syllable count rules of the haiku form. Good luck in the contest.
Previous PageNext Page

Details

May 30
464 bytes

Statistics

9
4 [who?]
104 (0 today)
1 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy